miss it when its gone.

[abigail marie dawson]

you know, they always say you can never really miss something until its gone. that no matter how hard you try, you just cant picture that thing or person not there until it really is not there in reality. but that as soon as that thing leaves, all the pain and emptiness is thrown on you like a heavy boulder - and only time can push away the crushing weight of the pain and suffering before you can finally see the light and happiness again.

thats how i feel right now. at 10:43 PM exactly, my closest friend called me and announced the news to me i never wanted to hear from her - she was moving to her mom's house an hour away and that she wont get to see me for a long time. i stayed strong, not showing any tears and just saying "Bre calm down" and "Bre it'll be okay" and finally, after hearing the tears in her voice and the pain she felt, we finally said our "i love you sam" "i love you bre" "goodbye" "goodbye" thing. and i can tell you. when my grandmother died of ovarian cancer, i thought that goodbye was tough - but this is the hardest good bye ive ever had to say.

me and bre had been through so much together. boyfriends, tears, kisses on the cheeks, hugs, pains, smiles, laughs, horse rides together, the fear of her losing her virginity, cold nights in the barns, arguments, sadness, happiness - we went through it all. then she called me. heres how it went down. bolded text is me. italics is bre.:

mom came in my room at 10:45, said "samantha, its breanna. she says its important" and as soon as i answer the phone, i can hear the pain in her voice. "samantha, you wont get to see me for a long time. im moving in with my mom."
"when did this happen?"
"i tried calling your cell and i didnt know if youd answer. well, my dad was touching me wrong. then i ran away and called the police and im going to live with my mom."
"bre itll be okay"
"sam, just dont tell anyone this."
"i wont bre, i swear."
"-silence on both ends then sigh-"
"sam?"
"yeah?"
"i guess i need to go now."
"o-okay"
"i love you sam."
"i love you too bre."
"bye."
"bye," and as i hung up the phone, i told mom te story. she asked if i was okay and i said yes. but as soon as the light turned off and a second past, tears flooded my face and it poured down like rain. i cant tell you the last time i ever had cried that much. i have school in about 7 hours. this is going to be the hardest day of my life. its 12:30, an half hour past midnight and ive only had an hour of sleep. i just cant sleep to close my eyes without crying. i wonder how tomorrow will go. today = hardest day of my life.

i love you bre.

and for those of you who had never experienced this, i warn you now with advice - love your friends as much as possible. because as soon as they're gone, you'll feel it. you never miss anything until its gone and its too late.

[amelia marie barton]

i know how bad it feels saz, my best friend, lauren, moved away to the other side of australia at the start of this year. it was really hard because we'd been best friends since we were in preschool. god, it was just so lonely for a while. but soon it gets better, i promise saz. *hugs*

[shane alexander grey]

im really sorry for you saz. we love you.

[lindsay annamarie lowder]

yknow what makes it worse though? im kinda sorta going out with her ex. thats the problem. life = bad sometimes.